July 5th 2017 -The worst day of my life .My beautiful baby girl Jessica passed.
one of my favorite pictures of Jessica
Jessica was a mom,my best friend, a kind beautiful soul. She loved her son so much . I believe the love they shared kept her going as long as she did.she was plagued with health issues since she was 6 years old.first with cancer which she beat
Then at 19 CHF and cardiomyopathy after the birth of her son.
She fought hard and long .14 years with the heart trouble .We all were hoping she would get a new heart,,It never came..
How do I feel? I’m still not sure . We all have to face death sooner or later and your never prepared.I think im still numb . I’m alive but not living just going through the motions of life doing what needs to be done keeping busy best I can.
I go to therapy and cry it out ,It helps some.
Losing a child, never should be like this ,not the way this should work.
I went to a dark place when she passed ,wondering how I’m going to do this without her.
You lose a part of yourself your never the same person you were before.
I realized I’m still here for a reason ,my grandson I now have custody of,which I am so grateful for we need each other.Brandon has been strong for me and me for him.
Holidays are coming and I have no clue how I will be.I admit I am scared.
Can I get through the holidays? Everyday is different I never know how I will feel.It is hard to explain sometimes.
I find writing about this a little helpful.I wanted to write for a while but wasn’t ready.I sometimes feel it’s a dream and i will wake and all will be well,but I know it’s not the case…
Well that’s enough for tonight ,Maybe tomorrow. thanks for reading and remember hold your love ones close and never miss the chance to say ” I love you ”
